Most of us have a felt sense that we are more than our reactions, habits, or coping strategies. We glimpse moments of clarity, compassion, and calm — and then somehow lose the thread, pulled off center by fear, old wounds, or the parts of us that learned how to survive. Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a gentle, humane way of understanding who we really are beneath all of that, and how we might begin to live from that deeper identity more consistently.
There is a wonderful mental health modality called IFS (Internal Family Systems) that was discovered and developed by Richard Schwartz. I am not a therapist, so let’s start with that disclaimer. But the beautiful thing about this view of our psyche is that there is much that each of us can do to facilitate our own healing.
My first foray into this world was through a book entitled, “No Bad Parts” which I unstintingly recommend! I’ll give you a little snippet to whet your appetite, but my hope is that you will get the book and learn about it in more detail from the man who discovered and developed this understanding.
The heart of IFS in a nutshell
At the heart of this view of our personality is the concept that each of us is made of many parts and … spoiler alert … none of them are bad (hence the name!). My favorite aspect is that at our core exists our true “Self” that remains intact and beautiful in spite of all that we have endured/survived over the course of our lives.
The Self is characterized by the 8 C’s: Calm, Confidence, Clarity, Compassion, Courage, Creativity, Curiosity, and Connectivity. We also have Exiles and Protectors that are formed as a result of trauma, shame, and fear.
If you want to live a life that is characterized by the 8 C’s, our work is to gain the trust of our protectors so that we can go to the places where our exiles continually live out the traumatic events that formed them and unburden them so that they no longer have to be protected by extreme behaviors and thought patterns.
As it turns out, the Self knows how to heal our internal family of parts, so the trick to this is making space so that the Self can come forward and do the work that it knows how to do.
Why I love IFS
I love IFS because …
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It is radically inclusive. There are no classes or categories of people or parts that are not redeemable. All people have a Self that is characterized by qualities that we all love and value. When you see a person who exists in Self, you do not see Democrat / Republican / Queer / Straight / Nationalist / Communist / Black / White or any other dividing line. You see another human being who is astonishingly beautiful.
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This view of the individual’s parts also holds true of the parts of larger systems of culture and society: namely that there are no bad people, but there are definitely exiles who need to be brought home and included.
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It is not pathologizing. Traditional psychology labels people with disorders (pathologies), which has the potential of making people feel broken and unfixable — and that can actually make our problems even worse. IFS says that you may be carrying some heavy burdens that you picked up as you went through life, but it is never too late to lay them down and live in freedom. And it has a methodology that will help you do exactly that.
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There are wonderful mental health professionals who can help you do your work, and for many of us this is the best way to proceed. But at the end of the day, your Self is what does the heavy lifting. And since each of us is equipped with a beautiful Self, it is possible to do an enormous amount of healing on our own, or with minimal external guidance, once we have learned how to call forward that beautiful aspect.
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Unlike some ideologies that suggest that our hearts and our subconscious are evil and untrustworthy, IFS says that once you get past the protective elements, you find a remarkable individual at the core of each person. Primary observation: your Self is not stained by sin.
You don’t have to master this work or get it “right.” Even small moments of curiosity toward your inner world can shift the way you relate to yourself and others. Becoming Self-led is less about effort and more about remembering what’s already here.